Tag Archives: wooden spoons

Wake Up and Smell the Lattes

I’ve been absent from my blog for way too long.  And I know you’ve missed me.  I’ve missed me.  Its been exactly 2 years in and I’m still with #72.  And still no action.  Although this morning he smacked me on the ass with a wooden spoon.  It was cupped and not flat so the impact was pretty good.  It stung like a mother fucker, but it didn’t really turn me on. Probably because he apologized but it was the most sex we’ve had in months, unless you call kissing gently on the lips, sex.  I’ve lost my mojo and it doesn’t surprise me. 

A friend of mine keeps asking me why I’m still with #72 when obviously he’s slowly draining me of any sexuality.   And he is.  I don’t masturbate as much, my “toy” remains in its box instead of mine.  I bring the little dynamo to his house every time I stay there, but it never gets used. The past few month my thoughts have revolved around my espresso maker and not the hot and heavy.  I’m getting tired of the compromise.   Really tired.  My pussy is so lonely, things have to change.

In order to regain some of my dwindling fuck power, I decided to use some of my better skills; my imagination and my voice. 

I’ve become a phone actress. 

That’s what they call us, actresses.  I have a “model” name and a land line. I’m represented with provocative pictures of someone who’s name I don’t know.  She probably has a fake name, too.  She’s not super skinny, as a matter of fact, there’s a bit of flab on her legs and her ass.  Her tits are small (mine aren’t that big either) and she’s got brown hair.  We have so much in common, except for one tiny detail.  She’s taking porn shots and I’m just talking about it.  Oh, and she looks about 22.  (Just a few years younger than me.)  (Multiplied by 5).

 It’s easier to deal with these callers if I have a little scotch in me.  Of course t’s a lot healthier at night than when I’m on in the morning.  Even though most of the callers are gross, I do find I’m getting turned on a little bit.  All that sex talk just affirms I can’t stay with #72 much longer.  But until we break up, this new career will be about making money and having more content for the blog. 

Stay tuned.

 Moral of the story, I think it’s time to put down the lattes and bring out the Johnny Walker Black.


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