I have three best friends and a couple almost best friends. One of my best friends is a guy. He’s 16 years older than me, but luckily we’re both pretty immature and it works out. We are writing partners, friends and also neighbors so we see each other a lot. He’s a great guy, seriously. Loves relationships, is generous and funny as hell. A great catch. For someone that’s attracted to him.
I’m not saying he’s ugly, but he’s less than my type. Thinking of being physically intimate with him brings bile to the back of my throat. And he feels the same way about me. One day I met a friend of his and she was surprised that I was attractive. The way he talked about me, she thought I’d be a troll. So suffice it to say, we are never going to end up in bed, naked.
The problem is, other than my father, he is the most important person in my life and I talk about him a lot. Even on dates. I didn’t think anything of it, but now that the guy I dated a few times has stopped texting me, I’m thinking I talked about my friend too much. In retrospect, I can see how that’s a turnoff. Retrospect. I totally cock blocked myself with my eternally platonic best friend.
Now, this date guy probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I think I freaked him out when I told him that I had a vinyl outfit once and that I’d like to be in a latex suit one day. He was pretty vanilla, but it would have been nice to see him again. We did have a nice time. Twice.
I have big plans this weekend. My best friend is coming over and we’re going to sit on the couch and watch reruns of Louie. Yeah, so much better than going out for drinks with a guy and working on getting laid. Who needs sex when you’ve got a best friend? Me, that’s who. Where’s #71 when you need him?
Moral of the story, recipe for getting laid, keep your mouth shut unless you’ve got a dick in it.